So, you're writing a story, and you want to make the characters say something. What should they say? How should they say it? I'm going to offer a little bit of information I recently learned about dialogue.
What Should a Character Say?
Make sure that the dialogue adds to the story. Don't create needless conversations that don't make sense or aren't necessary to the plot. Almost every piece of dialogue should add to the character’s personality, desires, or descriptions or make the plot move forward.
This is a bad example of dialogue. You are ordering lunch from a drive-through:
"Hello and welcome to your local burger joint! What would you like today?"
"I'll have a cheeseburger, fries, and Diet Coke."
"How would you like the burger cooked?"
"Medium, please."
"What type of fries? We have shoestring, waffle, and sweet potato."
"I'll have the waffle fries."
"Okay, what size diet coke?"
"Medium, please."
"Okay, we'll have that ready for you. Please drive to the next window."
"Thank you."
...
"That'll be $12.07."
"Is cash okay?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Okay, here you go."
"Here's your order. Have a nice day!"
"Thanks! You, too!"
There is nothing technically wrong with this dialogue. You could use it if your character is ordering lunch, but it doesn't really do anything for the plot or show who the character is. I can identify a goal of getting lunch, but do we need all of this just to see that desire? Is all of this really necessary? Will the reader get bored reading it and then skip to the end without looking at it? Well, I got bored just writing it, so the reader will definitely get bored, too! You could use an improved dialogue with action beats (we’ll get to what those are later!) and descriptions, but there is another option I want to highlight. What could be more effective is outlining what you would have said through dialogue in a summary. Something like this:
I rolled up to the crusty drive-through window of my local burger joint, hunger pangs thrashing through my abdomen. I glanced at the dusty menu board and quickly knew what I wanted. As I turned down my blasting radio, a jovial man from behind the speaker greeted me and took my order. A scrumptious cheeseburger, waffle fries, and a Diet Coke were on their way to my longing stomach. I paid in cash and grabbed the greasy paper bag from the second window. I feel like I haven't eaten in weeks, even though I just had breakfast three hours ago, but I'm always starving. The cheeseburger, loaded with ketchup, pickles, onions, and tomato, graced my mouth like water relief after an arduous run. It was luscious.
Do you see what I did there? The whole dialogue I wrote previously is now summed up in a short paragraph telling the reader what happened from the protagonist's POV. It provides actions, why she wants the food (she is starving), provides intimate background information, and shows the scene. Most of the time, it is better to show rather than tell, but in some circumstances, a brief summary with some showing and some telling has a better effect than a long, drawn-out dialogue. Sometimes, you can even get more environmental details with a summary.
How should characters say their dialogue?
Dialogue should be spoken so that the reader can tell it's that specific character without needing speech tags (e.g., "Martin said," "Monique whispered," etc.) all the time. Show the character's personality in the way they speak, but don't overuse quirks or caricatures to make it evident who is speaking. It would be annoying to read a dialogue with a character who says "like," "yeah," or "you know" in every piece of speech they utter.
Let's say that Martin and Monique are characters in your story. A short dialogue that shows the character through words and actions, rather than directly telling their personality, would look something like this:
Monique staggered, somewhat gracefully, up to him. Her hands were tucked in her pockets, and her hazel eyes fixated on her shoes, "Would you like to come to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me?"
"With you?" he paused, trying to think of something good to say. “Nah, I'd rather go with a toad!"
"B-but you told me I was pretty in science last week!”
"Did I? I don't recall. Must've overheard me talking to Sandra or something. She's hot, right guys?" His friends gave a snigger, their adolescent faces sprouting acne and covered in what was barely grasping at an attempt on facial hair.
"I did not overhear anything! You said it right to my face, you, you scoundrel!"
"Scoundrel, huh?" His eyes dashed back and forth between the girl standing before him and his group of pals behind him. He was trapped. "Where did you learn that big word? The library?" His friends gazed at him like they were looking at a traitor. This was not a suitable comeback for a girl like Monique, who had just insulted the king.
"Yes. If you must know, in the library. Maybe you should visit it sometime." With that, she turned on one heel and walked away, standing taller than before. Martin watched her leave in awe, feeling his friends' pats on his back, but they didn't feel earned.
What did you get from that brief scene of dialogue? I didn’t use speech tags. Instead, I used action beats. Action beats are when a character does something while speaking so the reader can vividly picture the scene. They are sometimes more effective than speech tags in conveying the message you want to get to your readers. Action beats create a whole picture, which speech tags sometimes have a hard time doing. I’m definitely not saying that speech tags aren’t useful. I still use them in my writing, but I also like to limit them so the dialogue flows better.
In the short scene I just created, you saw Monique asking Martin to the Sadie Hawkins dance. I didn't directly say that she was nervous at first, but rather used action beats to describe how she looked and what she was doing. Could you tell that she was nervous? Martin, on the other hand, is somewhat of a cocky asshole in the beginning, but you see that his personality towards Monique is a bit of a facade that he keeps up around his group of cronies. He likes Monique, but she's not the typical popular girl whom someone like him, "the king," would go out with. In the end, Monique gains some confidence and stands up for herself, and Martin feels regretful because he admires Monique. Did you get all of that from the scene? Was it evident that the characters spoke differently? Would you know who the character was even without the action beats? Let's try it with just the spoken words and see if you can still tell which character is speaking solely through their words:
"Would you like to come to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me?"
"With you?" — "Nah, I'd rather go with a toad!"
"B-but you told me I was pretty in science last week!"
"Did I? I don't recall. Must've overheard me talking to Sandra or something. She's hot, right guys?"
"I did not overhear anything! You said it right to my face, you, you scoundrel!"
"Scoundrel, huh? Where did you learn that big word? The library?"
"Yes. If you must know, in the library. Maybe you should visit it sometime."
Of course, this scene of dialogue has significantly less detail, but could you still tell who is speaking? Monique stutters a bit on "B-but…" and "you, you scoundrel!" so that is a slight quirk in her speech that can be picked out. Martin says things like "Nah…" and "…huh?" which elicit a more informal pattern. Monique speaks more formally even though she stutters a bit, and Martin speaks like an informal teenage boy. Note how I didn't overdo the quirks in speech. I didn't have Martin say, "She's hot, right guys? Huh? Right?" or "Scoundrel, huh? Where did you learn that big word, huh?" Adding the two additional "huh"s would have gotten irritating and been unnecessary. Just sprinkle your text with a bit of a quirk, like a speech impediment, filler words/phrases, or whatever suits your character. Don't dump a bunch on your text because it will prohibit furthering the conversation or plot and irritate the reader.
Just one more thing I want to add in closing. Remember, dialogue is not a realistic conversation! You don’t need to add all the “like”s and “um”s said in day-to-day human conversation to make it feel believable! Dialogue should only be the essentials and the peak moments of normal conversation.
So, let's sum up what we have learned:
Make dialogue that moves the plot forward or adds to your character in some way by showing their thoughts, desires, or personality.
You can use summary to more effectively convey a scene that would have been dialogue in some circumstances.
Dialogue should be spoken so that the reader can tell it's that specific character. Use quirks or particular words to indicate a character's personality, mannerisms, or intentions. But use these things sparingly in your writing. Only a sprinkle, not a downpour!
Action beats are when a character does something while speaking so the reader can vividly picture the scene. They are sometimes more effective than speech tags in conveying the message you want to get to your readers.
Speech tags are important and necessary, but again, sprinkle don't downpour!
If you're struggling to determine whether a character is identifiable just by their dialogue, remove all the action beats and speech tags around it and read it through again.
Dialogue is not a realistic human conversation!
Let me know if any of this has been valuable in the comments. I am absolutely not a professional in dialogue. I'm just a novice writer trying to be supportive. But I hope these tips that I've found helpful will help you improve your writing and create more engaging dialogue and scenes!
Comments